Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
