she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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