What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
