you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
