why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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