That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
