Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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