every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
