3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We need a shit load of segways right now
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
