I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
