direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
So. Much. Porn.
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