she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
