so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
