I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's shark week go big or go home
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
