So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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