he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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