I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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