Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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