I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dear god my vagina.
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