the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We need to get me chipped asap
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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