i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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