I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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