Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I am available for nakedness
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