May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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