Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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