think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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