Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
