If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i will never coherently bang her
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
