I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
