just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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