i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
