what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
