im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
