We need to rekindle our bromance
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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