The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
