We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
That accounts for only three of the penises
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
don't judge my taste in strippers
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
