just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
