I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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