hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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