Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
