listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
