My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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