I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
