So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
