i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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