How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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