It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I FOUND THE LEGS
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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