how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
