we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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