It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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