2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize