i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
