i love accidental penises.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
