So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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