weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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