I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
