She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
