Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
