i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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