no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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