Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
