You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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