so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
