is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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