I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
