he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
