god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
