Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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