P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
