So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
