I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
