I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
