you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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