I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i think i just lost a toe
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