I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize