Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
