Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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