i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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