i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize