I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
