maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
