Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
