If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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