We're facebook friends in real life
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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