What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
