he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
