Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
