The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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