the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
