i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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