god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
