after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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